It’s Never Too Late For A Bodyguard
[Originally posted as an FB Note on February 2, 2011. This write up was inspired by an incident that occurred in 2011 at the same school I attended growing up ~’87ish.]
Attention Delaware County Middle School and High School students! Are you angry about recent events in the national NEWS that have alleviated one of your fellow students from their bully situation? Are you wishing it was you right about now? Or would you actually be horrified to have your face plastered all over the media because you wouldn’t want everyone to think that you couldn’t handle your own bully? Well guess what, tell your bully friend their jig’s up.
Introducing to you, CMuff’s Protected Education Bodyguard Service. We’re here to take the majority of your agony out of your school day. We’ll make sure you get to school safely in the morning, and we’ll even be there when you’re dismissed to make sure you’re home in time for your favorite after school programs.
CMuff’s Protected Education Bodyguard Service specialize in the following:
-Assuring you eat a balanced lunch. This means we will prevent a bully from stealing your lunch, or we will immediately break that lunch money contract your bully unlawfully enacted.
-Debunking in-school rumors aimed toward your good name.
-Scouring social network sites for your name or likeness, making sure what’s found does not tarnish your good image.
-Running background checks against anyone who would like to maintain contact with you..or rather who you wish to maintain contact with.
-An electrical force field for the books your carry in the hallways. Unsuspecting bullies will receive 500 kV of shock to remind them to stay away from you. Your person can not be harmed using this equipment, only your attacker.
-A training session with a certified sensei.
Incentive Pricing, per semester. The better you do, the cheaper it is:
Maintain an A average: $250
Maintain a B average: $300
Maintain a C average: $400
Maintain a below C average: $500
Taxes and “with a friend” coverage extra
Similar College and Adult worker packages available.
Email CMuff for more info.
When you think of CMuff’s Protected Education Bodyguard Service, think:
And just to add on an extra nothing on to this, I also wanted to point out that I still regularly use this 1980 Matt Dillon line from time to time…and it’s always out of context. I just still think it’s funny to say it.
