My Accident
[Originally posted on January 19, 2018 — old blog]
{Pictures at the end}
On the evening of Friday 1/12/18, I wrapped up work for the week and headed out for my extended MLK day weekend. As I left the building, it was raining lightly. It was also a little unseasonably warm, which was causing a light fog from the melting snow we had earlier that week. Because I’m not a fan of these conditions for a dark, 25 mile drive home, I decided, I’m going to put my seat belt on tonight. I’m stupid, and sometimes I don’t. Let’s learn why that’ll never happen again.
As I started on my way home, I called my wife Michelle (hands-free) to get an early jump on planning out the weekend. But she was busy helping out her friends and said we would talk about the weekend we she gets home around the same time as me. Then I called my pal Nick to see if he was stopping by my house later that night, and he said he’d be there a little after 8PM. Both calls were safely placed as I traveled through the treacherous dark, foggy and winding back roads of the early part of my route.
Finally the winding back road opened up to two lanes near a major highway interchange. As I got over into the right lane to continue straight, I saw that I had the green lights ahead, so that I could go straight under the highway on my usual path. Then out of nowhere, BOOM! A car had decided to turn left right in front of me, in an attempt to get to the highway on-ramp. This was the first time in my life that I’ve ever experienced airbags deploying. Believe me when I tell you, it’s not pleasant. I recall screaming, “God damn it!” as the car landed into it’s final resting place. The engine immediately shut off by itself, and the hands-free system started calling On-Star, by itself. A woman came on the line and asked if everything was ok. I said that there has been an accident and that the airbags have deployed, and I believe I was ok. But I immediately noticed smoke coming from the dashboard area. At this point, I couldn’t tell if my engine was on fire, or if that’s what happens from the airbags. I recall having difficulties breathing. So I knew it was time to abandon the vehicle…hopefully. I unbuckled my angel of a seat belt, and attempted to open the door. Thank the Lord it opened, and I was able to exit safely. My guess is the smoke was just the CO2 gas from the airbags, because there was never a fire.
As I hobbled to the side of the road, I immediately realized there was something wrong with my right foot. I guess this is what happens when you slam on your car brake, trying to stop, and experience a 35–40 MPH impact at the same time. I sat on the guard rail behind where I had just pushed the other car into. The driver of the other car was a 30–40 something year old female. She was crying hysterically. I couldn’t really help her. But her angel came out of nowhere, hopped over the guard rail in front of her car, and got to her window to calm her down. She was ok. Just shaken up a little like myself. Within 2 minutes, there was an emergency responder on the scene, already redirecting traffic.
Moments later, Police, Firefighters and Paramedics all arrived on the wet scene. Lots of them. Slow night, I guess. But as I sat there getting soaked on the guard rail, they all ran by me to get to the other driver. I saw the firefighters pulling out the jaws-of-life to get her out. But they quickly realized they could access her via the back passenger door. She was able to climb out and be checked out by the paramedics. Still no one had spoken to me. A PA State Trooper finally asked, “are you the operator of this vehicle”, pointing to my new pile of mangled metal. “Yes I am!” He asked for my ID and insurance information. When I went to get it, he disappeared. Again, the wait began. After about another 5 minutes, a local officer asked for my information and I turned it over to him.
After another 5 minutes of getting soaked, one of the paramedics asked if I was the operator of the other vehicle. I said that I was. He asked if I was ok, and I said that my right foot was hurting badly. He said, “Did you walk over here?” and I said yes. His immediate response was, “well if you could that, then it’s not broke.” I took him for his word, because he sees this stuff every day. I also said that I thought something smacked me in the face, under my left ear. He put his flashlight on it, and said it was red, but no cuts. It was likely from the airbag deploying. At this point, I contemplated on going to the hospital to get my foot looked at. But his “it’s not broke” comment kept replaying in my head. So I decided not to go.
When the accident first happened, I had called Michelle back. I started the call with “Babe, don’t freak out, but I was just in a bad accident.” I asked if she could come get me, but like I had mentioned, she was helping some friends out, watching their children, and couldn’t really leave quickly. And she was still a good 45 minutes away anyway, so I called my brother Nick next, who lives fairly close to the scene. He answered and said he would be there ASAP, but he was still 15–20 minutes away.
As I waited in the rain, while the wreck was still being cleaned up, the Trooper returned to me and asked what I was doing. I refused going to the hospital for the time being, but asked if I can get a ride to the firehouse or wait in a truck out of the rain. He then offered for me to sit in his car as I waited for Nick to get me.
No one ever really wants to sit in the back of a police squad car. But when you know they’ll let you out because you’re not in trouble, plus you get to stay dry, who could pass that up? As we waited, I tried making small talk with the officer, and he entertained me for a few minutes. I resisted the urge of asking him to put his siren on for fun. As I was sitting in the back, I recall how uncomfortable the seat was. It was numbing my ass. Good, criminals deserve to not be comfortable. Not too long after, Nick arrived.
Nick and his boys drove me home. As we were about 10 minutes into the ride, I couldn’t believe how uncomfortable that trooper’s back seat was. My ass was still numb and my right foot was throbbing. After 30 minutes, we arrived at my place. Nick dropped me off in my driveway. I could barely get out. My foot was tender. But I managed to hobble my hefty ass to and through my front door. I was afraid to remove my shoe. I knew the moment I released the beast it wasn’t going back on for a while. I dropped my ass onto the couch to get comfortable and that’s when it hit me. OUCH! THAT POLICE SEAT WASN’T THE PROBLEM!!! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY ASS! I saw stars. Like cartoon type stars. I can’t believe I managed to hurt my tail bone in this car accident! Who knew that was a thing!? When I tried standing up, it was worse. I think I broke my tail bone. But the sharp pains were fairly quick when they happened. If I found a good spot to rest, I was fine until I had to move again. And it seemed like any time I puckered my sphincter, the pain rushed through me. Let me tell you people something right now. If there’s something I’ve learned about the human body, it’s that we use our sphincters more than we could ever possibly imagine. You know that saying, you don’t know how much you use something until you hurt it…well, I’ve only really ever experienced that when I got a paper cut on the back side of my pinky finger. Well, now I have a new experience that goes with that saying. Holy smokes! This car accident has officially turned into a pain in my ass.
Luckily I soon discovered that sitting on the bowl wasn’t a problem. Actually it’s now the only comfortable place to sit for the time being. And sleeping hasn’t been that bad either. Except, I like stretching my feet a lot while I wind down, and it just wasn’t happening for my busted right tire. Advil and Alieve haven’t been helping. On Saturday I tried to rest and relax and let the healing process begin. Though I figured out that my left thumb area and my right elbow were slightly agitated during the accident as well. But I could deal with those pains compared to my ass. That night I managed to watch the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Atlanta Falcons without much (a.k.a. any) jumping out of my seat during the good parts. Luckily there weren’t many, but they still won, so I’ll take it. #GoBirds
Sunday, I finally succumbed to my pains. It was time to seek a professional opinion. I didn’t want to go to the ER, but I needed to make sure this wasn’t worse than I thought. So Michelle and I settled on an Urgent Care. We’re happy to say, that the nice new big Urgent Care in our area was great. There was no one there, and the staff was quick and friendly. I won’t say which one, because I always want it to be that way, even though I never expect to go there again. Anyway, I explained my ordeal to them and they quickly x-rayed my foot and tail bone. After a little wait for the results, nothing looked to be broken or fractured to the pros. So back to resting, relaxing and healing for me.
On the way home, Michelle stopped in CVS to get my prescription filled. When she came out, she had a new gizmo for me. A doughnut ring for me to sit on. I just felt my coccyx smile. (That’s the name of your tail bone if you didn’t know.) We got home and I blew up that non-comedic whoopee-cushion and enjoyed reclining for the evening with a little bit less pain. The healing is happening. Little by little the bruises are easing up on me. I think I’m going to be fine. If I had decided not to put my seat belt on that night, and without the technologies of airbags, I don’t know what world of hurt I’d be in at the moment. I thank my lucky stars, and more importantly my guardian angel that I’m pretty much ok.
I’m still dealing with the insurance company. I’m expecting them to come back to me any day now to say the accident wasn’t my fault and the car is totaled. But we’ll see. I picked up my rental car yesterday, because my ass has finally informed me that it’s time to get back on the saddle, even if it still hurts a little. Once the claim is handled to my liking, it’s time to find a new whip.
The scene
My car
Her car
My x-rays
And this is “the end”
aka My butt
