Places I’ve Been
[Originally posted on May 27, 2017 — old blog]
#textwall
I consider myself a well traveled city boy. If anyone from the Philly area hasn’t made it further west than Pittsburgh, or further South than the South Jersey shore, do yourself a favor, get out of the tri-state area. Better yet, get out of the country.
So I’ve decided to put together a list of all the places I’ve ever been…that I can remember.
Domestically:
Pennsylvania — Obviously. This is where I live.
New Jersey — Because this is the default vacation area for anyone from the Philadelphia area.
Delaware — Because they don’t have sales tax, and very close to the Philadelphia area.
Virginia — To visit Michelle’s parents
Maryland — Because that’s where Baltimore is and I’ve been there.
D.C. — Went here on a class trip. There’s no reason ever to go back
South Carolina — Good ol’ Myrtle Beach. Went here for a high school choir trip. It was amazing.
Florida — I’ve been to Disney twice (for work, not pleasure). And I’ve been to Key West. I definitely recommend Key West.
New York — As previously mentioned, I worked on Wall St. Also worked a job in Long Island. (Don’t go there if you don’t have to.)
Maine — Went here for our 8th grade whale watch class trip. So much puke.
Massachusetts — I lived in South Lawrence (20 miles north of Boston).
New Hampshire — Because they’re tax free and about 10 miles north of South Lawrence. I actually used to play in a poker tournament in a conference room of some Holiday Inn near Salem. It was weird, but it provided for my poker addiction.
Ohio — I’ve been to Cleveland. This is the saddest town that I’ve ever witnessed. I remember walking across a city street around rush hour. Problem was, there was nothing rushing. Not one car in site. But I went to the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame while traveling cross-country, so it was all worth it.
Colorado — I’ve been to Denver, Colorado Springs and Red Rock Amphitheater (during the day/no performance). This was pre-legalization days. I was here while traveling cross-country and again later for work.
Nevada — Las Vegas. I was first here for my brother Nick’s 21st birthday in 1999. This was the same week as the Columbine high school massacre. It really put an emphasis on gambling. I would return again years later for a work conference. And then a few year after that by myself for a comedy show. Reno — The Little Big City. I stopped here while traveling cross-country.
California — San Francisco\Berkeley\Oakland — This was our cross-country final destination. I’ve been here about 3 times. Berkeley is home of the Gordo burrito. If you’ve never had one, you must. I’ve been to Alcatraz. Next, Los Angeles — I had to go here for work, three times. Once I had to go to Disney Studio lot where they made Disney shows and movies to setup our product. I recall eating in the employee cafeteria and seeing characters coming in to take their break and eat out of character. It blew my mind. The second time was for a user conference and I stayed at the Biltmore Hotel. Yes, the hotel from Beverly Hills Cops, I’m glad you asked. “I’m not gonna fall for another banana in the tailpipe.” While here I visited with my pal Brian K, who got me really wasted and almost had to call out of work but somehow survived. Also while here, a co-worker knew one of the producers of The Jimmy Kimmel Show and got us green room passes. I got to see (not talk to) Hugh Hefner about 10 feet away. And 2 of his 3 wives at the time. The one with the annoying laugh wasn’t there. The third time I was there was again for work and I had to setup our product at Warner Brother’s studio. 3 memorable things happened that week. 1 was the writers strike. 2 was that Blu-Ray was announced as the new industry standard over HD DVD. 3 was, I was sitting in the guy’s office where a phone call came in from JJ Abrams assistant saying he needed a dedicated hookup at his house since he won’t be on the Fringe lot that week. Bonus! I just remembered one more. I recall taking a cigarette break and a guy bummed one from me. I asked him what he did, and he was an assistant to the The Wachowski Brothers (Sisters). Yes, they wrote The Matrix. I know, right!? Also while at WB I called my old co-worker who had the Kimmel hook-up and scored green room passes again. But the sad part was, I was solo this time. But I didn’t care. Oh, this also happened to be the same day/week the first ever MacBook Air was announced. I remember being in the green room and saw a guy with a Phillies hat on. I told him I was from Philly and we were bullshitting for a good 10 minutes, talking about the new MacBook Air and stuff about Philly, and he abruptly goes, “sorry man, I gotta go.” I remember thinking, “wow, what a nice guy.” And went back to watching the TV at the bar in the green room. Jimmy Kimmel then announced his musical guest for the night, Jill Scott. I start bobbing my head, getting into it a little. I happened to look past Jill as she was singing and noticed another Phillies hat….WAIT A SECOND! THAT GUY ON DRUMS IS THE SAME GUY I WAS JUST BULLSHITTING WITH. NO WAY! So yeah, California I think is my favorite place on Earth. Oh, I should mention that I was in Palm Springs, twice. 2004 & 2006…for Coachella
Hawaii — I attended a wedding in Maui. I remember staying for 10 days while some friends only stayed for 7. I should have left after 7 but I wasn’t complaining then. Eating sushi while staring at the ocean is probably one of the best experiences of my life. I remember getting a great round trip deal for this trip. Because I had accumulated so many airline miles (from International travels for work discussed below), flying from PA to TX to HI, and then from HI, TX to PA wound up costing me about $150 total.
Arizona — Phoenix — This happened to be the first stop on my second cross-country trip (years later) from San Francisco to Philadelphia. We stopped at a friends house to watch some football and shack up for the night.
New Mexico — This was our second stop, but it was unintended. Me and my old friend were driving all day from Arizona and it was getting late and we were really tired. Roswell was the closest town. We called ahead to book a room, and it should have been a sign. The guy that answered sounded just like any creepy guy that would answer the phone in Roswell New Mexico on a Monday night. Anyway, we were in and out, and stopped at the UFO museum before getting out of town. It was terrible. I don’t recommend it.
Oklahoma — We had to go through OK on our ride back and I have a cousin, Bobby, who lives out there. We arranged to say hi at an off-ramp truck stop, and keep going. We didn’t get too much further and found another truck stop. It was a little cold. We fell asleep in the truck. I was on the driver side. The truck stayed running as we were parked sleeping. I remember my buddy smacking me awake <SLAP> “WAKE UP DUMB ASS! YOUR FOOT’S ON THE GAS!” It wasn’t a rental and he wasn’t happy.
Kentucky — We stopped at a friend of a friend’s house to let us shack up for the night. I remember barely sleeping because I didn’t know these hippies people and just wanted to get the hell out of there.
I’ve obviously been through other states, but none that I recall staying over or doing more than getting gas or food. Word to the wise, don’t ever drive through Nebraska or Utah. Man those are some boring parts of I-80.
Internationally:
Israel — Haifa — I stayed at the Dan Carmel hotel while being here for work. Fancy! I know.
Yokne’am Illit — This is where my company, Viola Networks, had their main office.
Jerusalem — Viola Networks took us here for a team building exercise. It was mostly exercise, because we walked a lot. But it was fantastic, even though we were escorted by armed guards. I got to visit and pray at the Wailing Wall. We got to walk around little towns/villages. I think this was God’s answer to let me know just how lucky I was being a sweet American boy.
There was one other small town that my friend Dudi took me to the day I met him. It was an old town, very narrow streets. He took me to his favorite place to get warm home-made hummus. This is the day I fell in love with it and have been looking for anything similar here at home ever since. Nothing has come close yet. Maybe if he reads this, he’ll share the name of that old town in the comments.
Cozmel, Ocho Rio, Grand Cayman Island — This was a Carnival Cruise I went on with 17 other people in 2003. What a fantastic time. My brother Nick and cousin Bill almost got arrested by Federales in Cozmel for peeing on public property. Me and my pal Rich P almost got lost trying to return weed to some store where he was duped earlier that day. I’ll have to tell this story at length some day down the road. Ocho Rio was cool. We climbed Dunn’s River Falls and practically every local was trying to sell us weed. And Grand Cayman wasn’t so grand. But they have a place called Hell and a post office there. You can mail your friends letters from Hell. I remember the day we got back home. Our flight had just landed back in Philly from Miami and there was breaking news on the TVs that the space shuttle Columbia had just exploded. What an emphasis on the week we just had.
Punta Cana — My pal Harry booked a trip for him and his lady to get away down in the Dominican Republic. And a week or two before the trip, they broke up. And what a great pal I was to fill in for her. I remember our first day there, I wanted to score some weed. I remember walking a mile down the beach, chaffing my bird in the process, so much so that I just gave up and walked up to a group of guys in the dunes and said, “Hey, do any of you guys have weed?” The guy with his back to me, turns around and says, “Are you asking me that question?” as he points to his POLICIA shirt. I pretty much said, “Just kidding! Have a nice day.” And turned around to head back to our resort, chaffing my bird even more. So the next day I decided to work on my tan. No sunblock for me thanks! And that’s how you make Italian lobster. I was red and hurting for the rest of the trip and the whole week after we got home. My skin and my bird were never the same again. Always use sunblock. ALWAYS! And make sure your bathing suit doesn’t chaff.
Kanata, Canada — Boring. I went here for work. There’s nothing there.
Toronto, Canada — I went here for work. But I remember the customer cancelling our arrangement as I got into town, and for some reason I crashed hard in the hotel. I don’t recall why I was so tired, but I did not get to experience Toronto, other than dreaming nicely. I don’t think you can say that in a Yelp review.
Costa Rica — I went here for a wedding. It was hot as holy shit. I remember putting myself out of commission after the first night, as dummy me decided to drink Mai Tais like they would no longer exist on Earth after that night. I barely remember getting back to my room. Luckily the foyer to the room was marble and cold. I passed out right there. My roommate for the trip, Sarah, told me that all she remembers is hearing me talking in my sleep saying, “No more Mai Tais. NO MORE MAI TAIS!” I think I wound up with strep throat. But it was still really fun.
So that’s all I can remember. If I come up with more, I’ll update this post and add an (*edit) marker.
Here’s just a few other quick factoids on places I’ve been:
Stadiums I’ve been to:
All of the old and new Philly stadiums (in my lifetime)
Continental Arena (Devils vs Flyers) — A long time ago. My friend Andrew’s dad drove us up the NJ turnpike to see the Flyers play.
Pepsi Center (Avalanche vs Red Wings), Coors Field (Rockies vs Giants) — Both while visiting Colorado for work.
AT&T Park (Giants vs Mets) — While visiting friends in San Francisco
Shea Stadium (Mets vs Yankees) for the first ever regular season Subway Series.
Fenway Park (Sox vs Phillies) — While living in Boston
Camden Yards (Orioles vs Yankees) — During my cousin Charlie’s bachelor party in Baltimore.
Heinz Field — This is the Steelers stadium but I didn’t see the Steelers. I saw the Penguins playing the Flyers for the 2017 Stadium Series wiht my pal Lenny. Jesus Christ was it cold that night.
Major Concerts I’ve been to:
Q102 Monster Jam (19 naughty 3) — My friends and I would stay up late winning tickets on the radio to go to this concert that summer.
Woodstock ’99 — Rome, NY. I vaguely remember seeing Korn, Kid Rock, Dave Matthews, Limp Bizkit, Rusted Root and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There were so many more. After borrowing a friend’s mom’s mini RV, about 9 of us headed to Rome. On the way, we broke down twice. The first time, we figured it out and kept moving. The second time, the radiator blew out. We had to be towed to a local shop, have it replaced, and we were back on the road about $300 later. We finally arrived and were camped on an old Air Force base, which meant a very long tarmac to walk back and forth between the stage and our site. I remember waters costing $5.00 a bottle in 1999. That was outrageous! But it was either that, or you could dip your bottle in some communal well. Fuck that shit, $5.00 a pop for warm water was good for me. We used the communal well to fill up our shower bags and take homeless showers back at the RV. I still don’t believe anyone was really raped that weekend. I believe that was the news scaring the shit out of parents. But there’s no way we’ll ever really know. But the best part was Sunday night. The Red Hot Chili Peppers were the last band to go on. We decided since so many people left already, to move the RV closer to the stage. And we did. Then we got some lawn chairs, got on the roof of the RV and watched the last act. It was amazing. And then it got better. We could see that a group of animals people were hanging out on top of the food service trucks inside the concert area. And before you know it, one of the trucks was on fire. What many people didn’t know was there were unused propane tanks nearby where the fire had started. And before you knew it, the fireworks finale started. Propane tanks started exploding. I still can’t believe nobody was killed by them. There had to be a good 5 or 6 that went off. The best part was once they took a break to address the fires, the Chili Peppers returned to the stage and started playing….get this….Fire.
Coachella — 2004 for Radiohead & The Pixies. 2006 — Daft Punk & Madonna. This is no Woodstock. But it was still very fun and a lot of creative people at this place. I can’t remember which year it was, but we got to stay at a friend’s house right in Palm Springs. They lived right on a golf course. We were hanging out at the pool one night, and we happened to hear a party going on at a house across the fairway, and we decided to attend. We walked through the dark fairway and wound up in the backyard of this mansion. The place was bumping. No one even asked who we were. We went inside, and there was practically no furniture. I don’t know if it was a rental that someone booked for the weekend, or it could have been a house that was maybe on the market and someone took it over. I have no idea and I didn’t care. But we got fucking wasted, and eventually trekked our way back to our place. There were so many spoiled rich white kids at that place. But it was fun. And weird.
Places I’d love to visit before I’m dead:
Alaska — Thanks Discovery channel
Japan — Because sushi. And they’re just fucking weird.
Italy — The main land.
