Super Bowl May Trigger Heart Attacks
Here’s another old Facebook Note I wrote on 1/31/2011 (11 years ago today). And because Facebook has done away with Notes, when these gems pop up in my Memories, I’m going to migrate them over to here. Enjoy!
Source http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/01/31/super.bowl.heart.attacks (dead)
Ok, that’s it. I’ve had it. Why on Earth do Americans, most notably, National Football fans, become such degenerates for “their team” enough, that it affects them physically? This CNN report basically says that when “your team” is the loser in the Super Bowl, your chances of a heart attack are much greater.
So let’s get this straight. Soldiers are killed every day in war. Police and fire fighters are killed in the line of duty, almost every day. Even teachers fail at teaching some kids (probably because of your messed up parenting skills), but yet no one is phased because it’s seen as normal everyday life if you are not a family member or a friend of these kinds of people.
Ok, so if Mr. Championship Rapist throws an interception during a 4th quarter comeback attempt, you’re telling me that some people in Pittsburgh will have a heart attack? Well then, I say “GOOD!”.
Sports isn’t your life, people. Of course, unless you’re wearing an actual uniform for said team. And even then, the game shouldn’t be taken seriously enough to have a possible heart attack. Spectator sports were invented to distract you from your life for a few short hours. They aren’t there for you to wrap your life around. If you honestly have a shitty Monday because your football team lost the day before, then technically you are in serious need of a professional mental evaluation. If your heart fails before said evaluation, then YAY for the rest of us.
Let’s also take a look at the people who wake up at 6 a.m. to be in the stadium parking lot by 7 a.m., and drink their faces off until kick-off at 1 p.m. God forbid if kick-off is at 4 p.m. That just makes the messes, er, the masses, that much more intolerable. And once they’re in the stadium, it’s 3 more quarters of debauchery until the beer stands are closed. But keep in mind, if the outcome is that their team lost, wouldn’t it be beneficial to the rest of us that these people have a heart attack? Though Coors and Anheuser Busch may be upset, I think the rest of us would be happy to have at least one less asshole to deal with at the next sporting event. But somehow, this behavior doesn’t affect the heart as much as it should.
What’s funny is how this report doesn’t even mention the possibility that heart attacks just happen. Some days there’s more, and some days there’s less. But because the numbers after 2 certain Super Bowls were up, then they’ve come to the conclusion that it has to be because of football. Why not look to see what fast food joints opened in the area that month? Or maybe look deeper into each patience’s life. Maybe one guy only use lead based paint for his painting jobs. Or another guy may be a mechanic that works on cars in an unventilated garage. No, of course not. Because that wouldn’t scare the shit out of the public.
And the last bit of this rant is the best. Now I’m praying to have a heart attack at the end of a football game. Unfortunately, I don’t have “a team”, but the doctors don’t need to know that. Basically, now I can blame the NFL for not putting a warning up before each televised game stating: “The outcome of this game may cause heart attacks”. Since they don’t, now I’ve found my reason to sue them for emotional stress. You laugh now, but wait until the day in the near future when you read that headline. I really hope my name isn’t in that article, but if there’s a payday in the end, then I wouldn’t really mind.
